Fears and Doubts

I have the tendency to start projects and I’m really excited, like a puppy, even.


(Kind of like this, actually.)

I have all these ideas swirling around in my head, and I start out writing loads, and I really believe in what I’m writing, but then, the steam runs out. I get tired. Or, as has been the case the past few years, finals week has started looking closer and closer and I doubt myself. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I think doubting yourself is a natural, albeit unwanted, part of the writing process. I, personally, have never met a writer that hasn’t doubted their work at one point or another.

I know I shouldn’t doubt myself, either, but I do.  I get these feelings that tell me that I should just give up and find a real job, because writing will never work out for me. It’s generally these bouts of self-doubt and self-loathing that have more effect on me than the times when I’m feeling super confident with my project.

I think this could be part of the reason my current project, my first YA novel, which I’ve been working on for the past two years, hasn’t really gotten anywhere. At one point, I had sixty pages, and I felt good about maybe ten to fifteen of those pages. I cut almost everything I had. If I look at the copy of what I had before, there’s a lot of highlights where I was telling myself to cut huge pieces, and there was a subplot that I really wasn’t happy with anymore, and I had to sit back and ask myself what the hell was I thinking?


(Also just like that.)

I also know that I need to buck up and just trust my instincts and get everything down, and then go through and edit things I don’t like, but man, it’s rough. This process gets accelerated during NaNoWriMo. I love NaNoWriMo but, every year I have these huge plans and ambitions for that year’s month and, it never fails, I lose steam right about now (somewhere between the 13th and the 20th). It never fails. I think, though, by acknowledging this giant brick wall in my way, I can get over it and power through and make it, or at least get as close as I possibly can.

Good luck, fellow Wrimos!



Filed under books, writing

At the Starting Line

It’s November, which means it’s NaNoWriMo again. This is the third year that I am embarking on this 30 day journey of 50,000 words (well, I attempt. I’ve only met that goal once) and it’s just as nerve wracking as it was the first time around. I think there’s something in me that thinks that writing an entire novel (or at least the first 50,000 words of it) is impossible, which is why the rest of me wants to give that little part of me one of these:


I guess you could say I have a bit of a stubborn streak.

This year, just like last year, I’m working on my first YA novel. (That’s a teen book, in case you were staring at my screen scratching your head and mouthing “what the-” to yourself.) I’m continuing with my novel from last year, but this time I’m basically back to square one. I’ve completely overhauled my novel, and now I’m down to something that can almost pass as bare bones. I think it’s going to be a stronger story than before…hopefully.

Anyway, this blog is mainly for me to write about, well, my writing. I might be funny, or you might cringe. I might cringe. We’ll just have to wait and see.


Filed under books, writing