Tag Archives: personal

Fears and Doubts

I have the tendency to start projects and I’m really excited, like a puppy, even.

Stephen-colbert-report-excited

(Kind of like this, actually.)

I have all these ideas swirling around in my head, and I start out writing loads, and I really believe in what I’m writing, but then, the steam runs out. I get tired. Or, as has been the case the past few years, finals week has started looking closer and closer and I doubt myself. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I think doubting yourself is a natural, albeit unwanted, part of the writing process. I, personally, have never met a writer that hasn’t doubted their work at one point or another.

I know I shouldn’t doubt myself, either, but I do.  I get these feelings that tell me that I should just give up and find a real job, because writing will never work out for me. It’s generally these bouts of self-doubt and self-loathing that have more effect on me than the times when I’m feeling super confident with my project.

I think this could be part of the reason my current project, my first YA novel, which I’ve been working on for the past two years, hasn’t really gotten anywhere. At one point, I had sixty pages, and I felt good about maybe ten to fifteen of those pages. I cut almost everything I had. If I look at the copy of what I had before, there’s a lot of highlights where I was telling myself to cut huge pieces, and there was a subplot that I really wasn’t happy with anymore, and I had to sit back and ask myself what the hell was I thinking?

tumblr_lf7ec48wiX1qdaikg

(Also just like that.)

I also know that I need to buck up and just trust my instincts and get everything down, and then go through and edit things I don’t like, but man, it’s rough. This process gets accelerated during NaNoWriMo. I love NaNoWriMo but, every year I have these huge plans and ambitions for that year’s month and, it never fails, I lose steam right about now (somewhere between the 13th and the 20th). It never fails. I think, though, by acknowledging this giant brick wall in my way, I can get over it and power through and make it, or at least get as close as I possibly can.

Good luck, fellow Wrimos!

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